Ramblings From The Chair

With the new season nearly upon us, it is time for me to pen the first of my Ramblings From The Chair of 2009.

I say nearly upon us. I myself took my first steps on the green on the last Saturday in February. Fancy playing a friendly match in February! I can get cold and wet in July without beginning to bowl before the snow has barely thawed. Still, I felt the need to show willing if only to prove to my new club captain that I was dedicated to the cause and willing to suffer the discomforts of the winter weather in order to be ready for the new season. Funny thing was though he seemed happy to watch the goings on from the warmth of the pavilion.

I do dread that first venture out. It’s the same routine every year. The rummage under the stairs for my bowls, and the sudden realisation of where that funny smell that’s been bugging me all winter was coming from as I find the microculture growing in my bag, having forgotten to take out my damp rag at the end of last season.

However, having retrieved said bag from beneath a mountain of accumulated junk I set about removing the detritus of the previous season. Beer bottle tops (every year I live in hope of finding these with the bottle and beer still attached), broken pens (top quality implements usually with the name Hill or Coral on the side), used scorecards from games you either don’t remember or don’t want to remember, golf tees (this is one of the mysteries of life, I don’t even play golf, or not what any normal person would recognise as golf), even empty cigar packets (another mystery as I gave up smoking in 2005) . Finally we reach the bottom, buried beneath the tools of my trade, what last season were tubes of Grippo but which now, having being buried beneath two sets of bowls and whatever else has been piled in the cupboard over the previous five months, is a sticky gooey mess that has managed to smear itself all over the inside of my bag. Lovely!

There is one more decision to make before I embark on the new season. Bowls! Examination of my bowls brings back the memory of all the damage inflicted last season. One look at my bowls will immediately tell everyone that firing is not a skill at which I particularly excel, with chips and scratches prevalent across the surface of both implements. Luckily, I am the owner of a shiny new set of bowls which have been lovingly stored away for three years still in their individual plastic wrappers and enclosed in a box adorned with a caricature  of one of our greatest naval heroes. So I get them out and after tenderly fondling these flawless utensils, cast aside my old pockmarked set. However before I even reach the front door my mind is riddled with doubt. What if they don’t run as well? What if they don’t peg as much? So its back to the wrappers with them and I’m re-united with my old faithfuls. Finally ready for action I set off for the game in the full knowledge that after five months of inactivity I’ll require a poultice of Deep Heat just to be able to get out of bed the following morning. You may laugh but you’ll all be there in the next few weeks!

Before I sign off for this month I would just like to wish everyone an enjoyable season and here’s hoping we see the sunshine this year.

Cheers!